


reality that's not mine

by stupideas



Category: NCT (Band), NU'EST
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentioned Character Death, i don't what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 21:35:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15671748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stupideas/pseuds/stupideas
Summary: Jonghyun finds himself in a stranger’s arms when he wakes up the next morning after managing to cry himself to sleep.





	reality that's not mine

Somehow, Jonghyun had found an odd comfort in the emptiness beside him, and managed to fall asleep after two days of moping, of crying over the loss of the only person he’d ever loved – Hwang Minhyun.

Jonghyun regretted it however, the peace he’d felt momentarily that lulled him to sleep, because he woke up with a splitting headache the next day, on an unfamiliar place, in an unfamiliar embrace.

The first thing that registered into Jonghyun’s brain was the smell – the smell of coffee accompanied by smoke and alcohol – which made him crinkle his nose in distaste. He wasn’t used to that. Minhyun never liked it.

Jonghyun wondered if he had been excessive with _coping up_ , but he didn’t remember bringing any of it in his room. Maybe he hadn’t realized.

The next thing he registered was the warmth pressed behind him.

_Weird_ , Jonghyun thought, _is it—_

Jonghyun slowly turned to his other side, after pushing away a rather heavy arm off of him. _Minhyun isn’t this heavy_ , Jonghyun said in his head when he did so, but he didn’t pay much attention to his own train of thoughts. He shifted a bit when he had successfully turned over and opened his eyes, only to get his breath stuck in his throat when he met with a pair of brown orbs he’d never seen before staring down at him with fondness – the kind Minhyun’s held whenever Jonghyun gazed into them.

Jonghyun stiffened in his place, blinking as he slowly took in the features of the man next to him – pale skin, sharp features, and a warm gaze – something familiar yet not. He reminded Jonghyun of Minhyun, of how Minhyun looked at him when he was there, how Minhyun smiled at the sight of Jonghyun, how Minhyun gently brushed his bangs out of his forehead and softly pressed a kiss on Jonghyun’s head, whispering a “Good morning” –

Jonghyun’s heart stopped.

The stranger reminded him of Minhyun, but wasn’t Minhyun, because Minhyun’s voice sweet – the thing Jonghyun loved the most about him. It managed to lift his spirits up, to make him smile, provide comfort. But the “Good Morning” Jonghyun heard just a moment ago wasn’t anything like that. His voice was deep, different than Minhyun’s, and it only managed to stir up confusion and uneasiness in Jonghyun’s heart.

He _wasn’t_ Minhyun.

Jonghyun wanted to push him away, to scream and walk away from the apartment, but he remained paralyzed. He couldn’t move. Something was pinning him down to the bed and keeping him from making any further movement. Jonghyun could only feel and breathe.

He couldn’t stop the stranger from leaning down and stealing a kiss from him – from the lips that were only Minhyun’s, and even when his limbs felt free after his lips met his, Jonghyun couldn’t bring himself to push him away. He could only close his eyes, inhaling the stranger’s breath mixed with alcohol and smoke that were previously present in the air surrounding him. Jonghyun couldn’t bring himself to say anything even after the man pulled away, not a word about how he was confused, and how he didn’t want to be there, and that he didn’t know him, when the man with the dimpled smile told him how much he’d miss Jonghyun.

Jonghyun only dumbly nodded, unable to say or do anything. His insides were screaming. Jonghyun found himself starting to loathe himself, every part that the stranger had touched. The confusion made it worst.

Tears blurred Jonghyun’s eyes. The man in front of him frowned and started panicking. Jonghyun was panicking too, but unlike the man, he couldn’t voice his worries out or place his concerns.

Jonghyun found himself in the unfamiliar arms again, the deep, melodious voice constantly chanting ‘it’s okay’ against the top of his head, which only made Jonghyun feel worse.

It wasn’t okay, at least not for him.

“Wash up first and we’ll talk, okay?” The stranger told him after what seemed like an eternity to Jonghyun. He slipped out of the bed, leaving Jonghyun on his own, with emptiness Jonghyun was more accustomed with. Jonghyun only nodded at the figure, no words leaving his mouth. The man sighed before leaving and it was only a few minutes after that Jonghyun got up from the bed. He didn’t straight away head to the bathroom but inspected the room.

It was a mess.

Clothes scattered around, bottles of poison lying in one corner in the room, surrounded by half used cigarette. Jonghyun couldn’t understand how he was breathing inside the room. He couldn’t _stand_ mess, not after Hwang Minhyun happened to him.

Minhyun,

Jonghyun inhaled sharply. The smell only irritated his nose. Jonghyun felt like coughing and puking. He didn’t know if it was the horrendous sight or the emotions choking him up.

Clamping his hand over his mouth, he dashed towards the door which the man hadn’t used. Luckily, it was the bathroom. Jonghyun sighed in relief and moved to the sink, but the feeling of plastic beneath his sole made him halt. He looked down and removed his feet from the spot. True to his guess, there was something there – a page ripped out from a photo album, Jonghyun realized. He picked it up to analyze it, only to throw it away in disgust because it was a picture of the man – _Jaehyun_ , as the writing beneath the photo suggested – and him, looking at each other as if they were in _love_ , with their names written below in the memo section, along with the date that was exactly identical with the date when he and Minhyun got together.

Jonghyun spent over half an hour in the toilet crying and questioning everything around him.

Just, _where_ was he? And why was Minhyun not with him?

Jonghyun didn’t understand. He wanted to, but he couldn’t even understand how to find the answers to his questions, because his reality seemed to have shifted. Jaehyun’s eyes held love for him – _concern_ for a mere stranger like him, and according to the photos sprawled all over the bathroom floor, Jonghyun’s did too. The dates – the dates that were supposed to be his and Minhyun’s weren’t theirs anymore. It was his and Jaehyun’s – Jonghyun didn’t understand why.

Was it a dream?

Jonghyun had tried to get himself out of it by hurting him. He tried for a few times, but he didn’t work. It only pained him further because it reminded him of how real all of this was.

He remained in that state until a knock was heard, followed by Jaehyun’s worried voice which was asking him if he was okay.

Okay. That was something Jonghyun wasn’t. Jonghyun wanted to tell him, and the world, that he _wasn’t_.

But Jonghyun wiped his tears and forced out a “15 minutes” instead.

He stood up from his position, gathered all the pages and staked them properly, before keeping them in the cabinet safely. He stripped and slipped into the showers, deciding to officially start his morning.

Jonghyun didn’t understand what gave him the power to do so, or why was he doing it, but by then he had understood that his body no longer did what his heart wanted it to do.

**Author's Note:**

> honestly, this is supposed to end here, but it doesn't feel right to end this here, lol. i don't know.


End file.
